Archive | June, 2012

Super Happy Positive Smiling Things

6 Jun

So yeah…There are a couple of things at play here in this post today. One: Your writer is basically in vacation mode until mid-August. Two: A new scientific study was released that said too much exercise is actually bad for your heart, and that laughter and a positive attitude makes for a longer life. Coolness, because I suck eggs at exercising, and for darn sure am not getting too much of it, as evidenced by my daughter telling me this morning that I was “plump.” However, a sense of humor I most certainly possess, and now if I can work on my positivity, I might actually survive a few more years, despite all the abuse of my body for 45 years, and the disturbing fact that some of y’all reading this blog take exception to my outlook from time to time, and threaten to whack-a-Gary.

Now that we have established our new game plan, I would like to present to you the new geopolitical outlook as seen from the eyes of a super, happy, positive and big smiling Gary. Keep in mind that nothing bad can happen ever. Only bunnies and sunshine.

* World War 3 may actually happen, because like, it is all set up and people are ready to start killing each other in big numbers, BUT…that will just make for less traffic congestion in the end right? Heck, no traffic actually…nobody will be here. Elbow room. Check.

* Europe is most likely going to come crashing down creating a global financial meltdown, BUT….Aren’t we all sick of having stuff and money to do fun things with? So annoying having a fun life because there is money to be made and spent. A global depression will teach us all a good lesson in the super fun of looking for rats to eat. Takes a man to eat a rat. Fun. Check.

* Barack Obama is an out-of-control having no clue what he is doing maniac, and even Bill Clinton says so, but he isn’t a communist seed planted amongst us to bring down the United States from the highest office in the land. Nah. B-Diddy is a red, white and blue Christian American who spews the ideals of George Washington every time he has a thought. He ain’t no usurper, and if you say he is, well…curtains for you fella. Think up! Think forward! Go B Go! Check.

* George Soros…ohhhhh Georgie Boy…how I love you so. Yes, he IS the most dangerous man on planet earth, and he really does work directly for the office of Lucifer, BUT….come on now, look at him…he’s our universal Grandpa. Loveable old coot with some money to pass out. So generous that yesterday it came out that he poured $400 million into education in America to make sure that our youth grow up thinking that his Satanic Open Borders Society will one day soon become reality, and George can die peacefully knowing that his inner demon, so angry and so hurt from whatever happened to him as a child, destroyed the earth as we know it. I mean really…although it is going to really suck for us all especially in America because he truly hates us…we have to give the guy kudos for the effort. All of those movies made when the evil mastermind gets SO close only to lose in the end? George will have finally become the one that broke through! Good job George! You can do it if you really try! Check.

* I could go on…but really…what is the point? I have a bucket of rainbows to go pour out over humanity, and I can’t be bothered with all of this. Ima put on my rose-colored glasses now and just be comforted by knowing that if I think nothing exists that does exist, that it will all just go away…me likey that way of thinking! Mortgage? Poof…gone! Personal debt? Poof…el goneo! Unlimited funds to do anything I please? Here ya go Mr. Gary…and may I bring you a drink? Check.

Gary Abernathy…you super, happy, positive smiling love bunny