Let the Facts Tell the Story

13 Sep

The word “collective” has gained special status the last several years. Progressives like to toss it about often regarding everything from collective responsibility to collective bargaining. President Obama even uses it in his brand of Christianity, saying, and I quote, “my individual salvation depends on our collective salvation.” Collective, in case you weren’t aware, is a buzzword that is used in the place of words such as “socialist” and “communist” or “Marxist”…those are dirty words now. It’s an old game…change the words, but the meaning behind them always stays the same. Well I’d like to borrow their hijacked word today and ask, what exactly do we have on our collective minds?

On a sleepless night in September, when I couldn’t get the world and it’s myriad of issues off my mind, I began to do some research. I plugged in word after word after word trying to figure out what exactly was on the minds of other people just like me. What were their thoughts? What do they really care about the most? The internet is the most powerful tool that has ever been in the hands of mankind. At our fingertips lies a vast universe of anything we want. Anything. So what do we want? Let us allow the facts tell the story as I present you with the findings of my research.

The following figures are all from Google depicting the number of times each word was searched globally in the past month on their search engine, the most widely used in the world.

So the big question…WHAT is it we think about more than anything else? By a million miles too I might add. I bet you can guess. Not too difficult to figure out. Sex. A mind-blowing 618,000,000 people searched the word sex on Google last month. No other word that I could think of even remotely came close. Not even a distant second, unless you count the 83, 100, 000 that searched the phrase “free porn.” Sex and free porn is what the world really cares about. Nothing else comes close. So why I am wasting my promising ability writing about the things I do?…I’ll never know…because you don’t care…and you really aren’t reading them. I have had 2 separate posts make the WordPress Daily Top 20 before…I guess I’ll have to rest on that level of success. The world doesn’t need another person talking about sex and I’m not starting a porn site…especially a free one. That said….let’s dive into what I found…because the numbers are eye-opening…mostly in a negative light on our collective souls…but not all of it. There are positive signs of hope that offer a glimmer that maybe our souls aren’t completely fried to a crisp yet. But mostly? Mostly…we suck.

Here are the sexual based words I researched and the results:

Sex = 618,000,000

Free Porn = 83,100,000

Seks = 37,200,000 (this found by mistake in the sex search…37 million of us can’t spell sex, but we sure know where to look for it…humorous)

Escort = 30,400,000 (that’s a lot of men looking for a hook up)

Herpes  = 6,120,000

STD = 5,000,000

And just for the fun of it, I tried to think of the nastiest thing I could think of sexually and at 4 am in the morning I came up with…

Dog Sex = 2,240,000 (seriously people?)

Ok, so it’s clear that we like sex, and 2 million plus of you have dog sex on your brain. I can only hope most of them are dog breeders. That…I can process.

How about we look at how Jesus stacks up against prominent personalities?

Jesus = 24,900,000 (falls just a TAD shy of the 618 million sex seekers eh?)

Lady GaGa = 24,900,000 (same figure as Jesus)

Justin Bieber = 45,500,000 (Almost twice as many people searched Bieber than they did Jesus)

Karl Marx = 1,000,000

Lenin = 1,830,000

George Washington = 2,740,000 (at least he beats out Lenin and Marx)

Simon Cowell = 450,000 (OUCH…Simon buddy…bad move)

Steven Tyler = 823,000

Snooky = 74,000

The “Situation” – 4,090,000 (apparently Abercrombie helped the boy out with their request)

Glenn Beck = 1,220,000

Van Jones (Beck’s arch-enemy) = 40,500 (Ouch again)

George Soros (Beck’s SUPER arch-enemy and threat to all of western civilization) = 246,000 (that’s good in his eyes….he prefers the shadows)

Satan = 5,000,000

The Devil = 16,600,000 (seems people still prefer to call him the Devil)

Anti-Christ = 450,000

Allah = 13,600,000

The top winner? Beating even Bieber…GOD = 55,600,00 (That feels good…until you compare with the 83 million who searched Free Porn)

Any of this grabbing your attention yet? Hope so. But let’s keep going. How about Social items? I know one biggie…

Gay = 124,000,000  (Is that right? 124 million searched for “gay?” That tops even free porn…hard to do)

Marriage = 24,900,000

Gay Marriage = 1,000,000 (doesn’t seem to add up to the whopping figure above now does it?)

Divorce = 9,140,000

Lawyer = 13,600,00

Lesbian = 30,400,000 (the world is certainly interested in lesbians)

homosexual = 24,900,000

Jersey Shore = 6,120,000

Sugar = 20,400,000 (people love it sweet)

Diabetes = 13,600,000 (the end result of sweet)

US Day of Rage = 480 (something tells me that figure is about to soar next week)

Hey, what say we dive into the Presidential candidates since it is that time again…

Obama = 13,600,000 (tied with diabetes…losing badly to sugar)

Perry  = 24,900,000 (well now…seems like we know who the opponent will be)

Romney = 450,000

Ron Paul = 550,000

Bachman = 1,500,000

Palin = 3,350,000

Obama vs. Perry in 2012…Perry wins…by a landslide. Gary calls it now

Important places and geopolitical tidbits?

Israel = 13,600,000 (Israel, Obama and Diabetes)

Palestine = 4,090,000

Republic = 16,600,000

Dictator = 550,000

Iran = 11,100,000

Egypt = 37,200,000 (uh oh)

world war = 16, 600,000

Taliban = 673,000

Terrorism = 2,740,000

Jerusalem = 4,090,000

Mecca = 2,240,000

Communism = 823,000 (boy does their word change game ever work)

Marxist = 1,500,000

China = coming in at a big ol’ fat 68,000,000

United States = 55,600,000

How about how we feel about ourselves? Are we happy…are we depressed…do we hate ourselves? Let’s look.

Joy = 13,600,000

Depression = 9,140,000

Murder = 20,400,000

Suicide = 7,480,000

Breast Implant = 1,000,000

Breast Reduction = 246,000

Plastic Surgery = 3,350,000

Diet = 30,400,000 (bloated figure for our bloated bodies)

Weight loss = 11,100,000

Fat = 30,400,000

Stress = 9,140,000

Therapy = 37,200,000 (Hello Mr. Shrink…I think I have a slight problem)

Cheating = 37,200,000 (not a shock whatsoever)

Cotton Candy = 246,000 (I like to be random)

Prison = 16,600,000

Pregnancy = 30,400,000

Safe Sex = 201,000 (this paired with pregnancy? What ya think?)

Morals = 450,000 (compared to cheating…hmmmm)

Coffee = 45,500,000 (nearly doubles Jesus)

Aliens = 11,100,000

Parenting = 1,500,000

Babysitter = 3,350,000

Daycare = 6,120,000

Stay-at-home Mom = 165,000 (far less interest in being a parent than there is in pawning off…might have considered the safe sex)

Death = 83,100,000

Life = 151,000,000 (Life wins!)

Star Trek = 4,090,000 (making a point)

Ok…so you all feel fat, you all want babies, don’t want to take care of them though, but you DO want to live as opposed to dying…for the most part…except the suicide people.

Religion is probably on our minds more than anything though right? In this day and time…we are looking up and asking for forgiveness. Hmm…really? Kinda….but compare the numbers to say “coffee”…and religion…trouble is a brewin’.

Bible = 20,400,000

Koran = 7,480,000

Torah = 1,000,000

Witch = 7,480,000 (equal to the word of the Islamic faith and blowing away the book of the Hebrews)

Atheist = 1,220,000

Mystic = 2,740,000

Christian = 37,200,000

Muslim = 16,600,000

Jew = 2,740,000

Cross = 55,600,000 (that is refreshing to me personally)

Heaven = 13,600,000

Hell = 20,400,000

Evil = 24,800,000

Good = Winner, winner chicken dinner…101,000,000 (good always triumphs over evil don’t ya know)

So where does this leave us? There has to still be more room in our brains…ohhhhh…sports…we DO love us some sports on this planet. More than God that’s for sure.

Football = 124,000,000

ESPN = 30,400,000

NFL = 20,400,000

Beer = 16.600,000

Golf = 68,000,000 (howdy Mr. White Middle Class)

Soccer = 45,500,000

Exercise = 20,400,000

Obviously we place sports high on our priority lists. The numbers don’t lie. They just count what we do. There are (2) other things on our minds these days though…the two things that make the secular world go round…Money and Work:

Gold = 83,100,000

Job = 226,000,000 (Coming in 2nd place behind Sex)

After all this…this is what I get from it. Give us steady sex with no responsibility, a good job with good pay, put a good game on…and son…we are all set. We will worry about God and the afterlife when we’re old. Politics? The World? That’s negative…ewwww…negative….that would make me search depressed…and we certainly can’t have that can we Mr and Mrs Sunshine?

Don’t shoot the messenger….I’m just reading the facts as they tell me the story.

Gary Wayne Abernathy

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